Bad News Bears...

Well, we are on the home stretch. Daddy will be coming home on Friday night and I can't wait! Last week was incredibly difficult with lots of little emergencies and bad news all around!

On Sunday September 20th, we were getting ready to go with Aunti Sammi to buy her wedding dress when I noticed that Chance's food was infested with grain mites! Shawn was so sweet and bought me a big bag of dog food while Shawn was gone and little did we know, it was seriously contaminated! I put his cup that I scoop the food with on the counter and went to put it away, when I noticed that the grains of food were moving! It was SO DISGUSTING! I immediately bleached the counter tops and threw out all of my food on the counter. I called Bill and Pam and Bill came over and checked it out for me. He cleaned out his tub of food and threw the food away. He was actually the one who discovered that they were mites! It was so nice of him! He takes such good care of us!

So, I spent most of Monday, researching these critters and calling every doctor to see if they were harmful to Landon, myself or the baby in my belly. Thankfully, everyone said no. But, just to make sure, I made an appointment for Chance with the vet on Tuesday afternoon.

My dad came and helped me get Chance into the vet. He is a very strong dog and I didn't want to risk it myself! The vet reassured us, grain mites were just extra protein for Chance and would not hurt any of us humans. Phew! A sigh of relief! She said that he was too skinny, that you shouldn't be able to see the bones in his head, his spinal column or his ribs. He was just over 70 pounds and last we knew he was closer to 100 pounds! She was also worried about his teeth, said that they would need cleaning.

She checked his paw (he has been limping for over two months) and decided it would be best to do xrays to see what was going on. She said that it could be a tumor or a growth, she didn't know. I just assumed that a tumor would be benign... thinking everything would be fine the whole time. She said that if his xrays came back bad, then his teeth wouldn't matter at that point.

She comes back into the room and had an awful look on her face. My dad said, "It isn't good, is it?" She just looked down and shook her head. I started to bawl, uncontrollably. My baby Chancey has BONE CANCER. She said that bone cancer is excruciatingly painful and will spread to his lungs next. Oh my gosh, my poor baby is dying, is in pain and is suffering. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't believe it. Then, she showed me the xrays and over two inches of his right radius were gone, destroyed by the cancer. The surgeon and the oncologist came in to talk to us. The surgeon said that it was so brittle and destroyed, he was surprised it hadn't already broken.

If he were to break it, which is rretty likely, we will have to put him down right away. His teeth didn't matter. He had lost all of his weight from the cancer. She said that he will need more calories as the cancer takes so much. They told us to pick him up a cheeseburger from Burger King on the way home and just to make him comfortable. They did mention amputation, but I think it has already spread. Besides, I instantly started to realize all of the changes in Chance that I have tried to ignore: he stopped getting up to come to bed with me, he is more sluggish and he struggles even more on our hard wood floor. My dad was amazing, he cancelled all of his appointments, picked up dinner and spent the night talking with me! Sammi came over too, it was so nice to feel love at such a terrible time.

I am starting to come to terms with it, it has been a slow process. I am not ready to say goodbye, I am not ready to lose the best dog ever. He is so loving, sweet, loyal, calm, affectionate, obedient, smart and loving. He came into our lives almost seven years ago and at that time we didn't think we could survive all of his shedding. But now, he is a part of our family, a part of our lives and a part of our hearts.

I think about coming home and not having him there to greet us or Landon looking for him and I will have to tell him that Chancey went bye bye. Ugh... Landon always loves on Chances and cuddles with him. I had to pull him off of him the other morning to get him to Grammy's in time for work. A boy needs a dog and eventually, we will buy him a puppy. We were thinking about getting one this last summer and now I'm glad we didn't. I don't want Chance to feel overwhelmed or be in any more pain with a puppy jumping all over him.

At this point, I don't want any other dog, I just want Chance. I wish I could freeze him and keep him with us for the rest of our lives. I don't want to lose him. I just have to remember how much pain he is in and that this is God's plan. He will get to go to Heaven and this is an amazing thing.

On Thursday, September 24th, Landon jammed a jelly belly up his Right nostril. It was WAY up there. So, I had to leave work and get down to Kaiser to get it out. Poor thing, it was painful and scary. But, hopefully, he will never do it again!

Friday September 25th was Aunti Janelle's birthday and she and I went to Women of Faith at the Pepsi Center. We went all day on Saturday too. It was amazing to hear these women and the strength of their faith, to hear their stories and struggles and learn of the amazing things God had done in their lives. It was very refreshing and just what I needed after the awful week I had.

Daddy's big trip.

Well, I have survived almost three days without daddy. Although, it already feels like it's been three weeks! Being a single mommy is super tough and I give amazing praise to those who have to go it alone 24/7. It is really hard and there is really no time for R & R.

I forgot to mention that Shawn got an amazing new job with AT&T/Yellowpages.com and had to go away for training for three whole weeks. I am just thankful that I am just somewhat pregnant and not 9 months pregnant. I am even more thankful that I only have one child and that this little one is in my belly... that makes it easier.

He started Monday but had to fly out Sunday night. He gets back on Friday October 2nd and I can't wait to go and pick him up! Landon and I will make a sign and be there waiting for him! Landon will be so excited to see his daddy! This is an amazing opportunity for him and for our growing family. It has a base salary (plus commissions), he will work M-F 8-5 (approx.), he has great benefits and it's a job that Shawn is so proud of. I can't wait to have more than one day with my hubby and to enjoy nights and weekends as a FAMILY. Crazy. When Shawn job shadowed he came home and was a new man. He had a stride in his step and a smile on his face... two things I worried I wouldn't see for a long time!

We have all been praying and we are so appreciative of all of the love, support and prayers that everyone has been sending out. So, thank you! God has a plan and a purpose and has brought us through this rough time!

Last Friday we went up to Keystone and met Shawn's family up there. They rented a house and we had a blast! Landon could actually ride with us when we played golf and once we made it away from the clubhouse we let him play! Papa and Grammy actually bought him his own bag with Landon sized golf clubs! He loves them! We were able to play seven holes before the lightning and rain really set in. Then we called it a day and headed to dinner. Nana, Aunti Nicki and Uncle Jason were all there too. It was a great, relaxing time up in the mountains. Landon loved the lake near our house and throwing big rocks into it!

Then on Sunday we left the mountains and hurried home to get Shawn off to Arizona in time. Landon says daddy is in 'Ona'. Another super adorable word! Ami and Dave came over last night to keep me company and my dad is taking me to dinner on Thursday. Everyone has been so sweet and supportive. I am doing okay right now, a bit worried for a week or two from now. The worst is when Landon is in bed and the house is super quiet. I also miss coming home to him and Landon at the end of the day. It was a nice reward for working.

I will be 18 weeks on Friday and have only gained eight pounds! I should start gaining more weight here soon, so I think it's a good thing I have only gained a bit. Especially since we will be heading to Mecaso right after the baby comes! We had our 16wk appointment on 9/9/09 and got to see the baby! It was very cool to see how much the baby had grown since last time! Instead of being able to see the entire baby with the ultrasound, the doctor had to move it around to see all of the baby!

I thought I saw three lines and the doctor instantly told me that that was not what I thought it was! Shawn later said that he saw a popo... so, who knows! It was cute though, the doctor told us he couldn't show us all of the baby without seeing things that we didn't want to see! We will have to wait until February to find out what we are having! Can't wait!

Our big boy!

Landon turned three years old on Thursday August 27th, 2009. I cannot believe it has been three years since he was born. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and other times it feels like years and years ago. I look at him with amazement, awe and disbelief. I feel so lucky to have him in our lives and can't believe he is mine. Half daddy, half mommy... completely awesome!

I took his birthday off to play with my boys and get ready for his birthday party. So, Thursday we were gonna take him to the park but Landon decided he wanted to go bowling. We had a great time. The first game, daddy and I tried to play, but Landon did NOT like that. :) Grammy came and surprised him, he was so excited to show off his bowling skills (and passion for the game) to her. She loves to bowl too, so this would be a great sport for them to enjoy together! The second (and last game) we let him play by himself. This way he didn't have to wait for his turn. He enjoyed this much more!

Saturday we had a party at our house. We had Mickey, Cars and Choo Choo trains all there! Everyone came and it was so awesome to have them all there! Landon was so happy to have Cody, Emily, Peyton, Kylee and Tessa all there to help him celebrate! I made him a choo choo cake, as this is all he would ask for in the weeks prior to his big day. We ate, sang to him, had cake and opened presents. Then, it was time for the water! We put up our kiddie sprinklers and the kids had a ball. It was so fun to see all of them play and get goofy toghether. This was their first water party together. It was great to see. We are going to try to plan more water days next summer for all of the kids.

Looking back on our three years with him, they have been so amazing. He is such a blessing from God and we are so incredibly lucky and thankful to have him in our lives. He is such a sweet boy and I love him so very much. We moved him last week from his "baby room" to his "big boy room". He has slept in his big boy room since Sunday night. I had him help me move things into his big boy room and then we said goodbye, turned off the light and shut the door. I think it was a good way to show him that his baby room is no more. So far, so good! What a big boy...

I can't wait to give him a sibling... he really deserves (and needs) it! I know that this baby will be just as special, just in his/her own special way! I feel much better having Landon in his big boy room, so now he will not feel jaded if the baby had to kick him out of his old baby room!

Today I am 16 weeks! Four more weeks and we will be half way there. I am really enjoying this pregnancy. Even though, at times, I don't even feel pregnant. I still can't believe it and am in a bit of shock! I think it's because I really, really want another baby and just feel so lucky that God has decided to give us one more. Shawn leaves for three weeks on September 14th and by the time he gets home, I will be 20 weeks! It's amazing how fast time is flying by, it's pretty scary actually! This bump is growing and my body keeps reminding me, otherwise, I REALLY wouldn't believe it! :)

I love my family and can't wait for this new little one to be here!